mother's day with mommy and daughter

my favorite mother's day moment was this past Sunday, I was really missing my mom, so hubby took me and our daughter all the way to my mom's cemetery in Los Gatos (about 45 min drive) so I can have a moment with mom.  Little June bug, who really wanted to go to church (she loves Sunday school, which for now consists of stickers galore with the nicest women watching her), had to be convinced that we had to go see ah-mah (grandma), and that she could bring her giant bubble wand given to her by her godparents, and frolic...

When we arrived, I saw the lush hills of Los Gatos decked out with the most beautiful flowers.  The sky was a perfect blue, with a few puffy clouds.  So picturesque, so peaceful, so serene.  Yet so melancholy at the same time, with some family members mourning their newly passed loved one.  

I have been missing mom most recently, to the point of despair.  I'm at a crossroads with everything in life...june bug is going to pre-school, so that will be a transition.  hubby and I are burning out with both of our jobs PLUS a toddler, and our business.  I have been wanting to just hear her gentle, guiding voice--which always made the challenges of life that much more surmountable.

And I digress.  So as soon as we arrived, June was excited to bring out her bubble wand and test it out.  We did bubbles for a while, and then I asked if I could spend a moment with *my* mom.  June was confused.  She only knows my stepmother at this point in her life, and here was the *other* grandma?  I explained to her that this was my mom.  

I was just having a moment with my mom, telling her about how tired I was, and how I needed to focus on the things that I love, and not be so torn apart by responsibilities I have.  How much I longed to hear her voice.  

When june saw me crying, she kept telling me, "Mama, don't cry" (in Chinese).  I explained that it was ok to cry.  God made it that way so that whenever you do, you'd feel better.  I asked her, "When you miss mama, do you cry too?"  She said yes.  Then she gave me a hug and a tissue, and told me she loves me.  (I love you too, baby.)  Then she asked, "Where's your mama?"  I said, "she is up there, in Heaven, with God."  June bug immediately smiles, points towards heaven, and says, "up there?"  Yes, baby.  Gleefully, she turned to her daddy and says, "Daddy!  Mama's mama's in the sky!" (in English).  

Later on when we went to lunch, she told me she was happy, and was dancing around in the public restroom.  I asked, "Why are you so happy?!"  She said, "Because mama's not crying anymore".  June, you're the best gift I have, and you have no idea how much you cheered me up with your gentle ways, and compassionate, big heart.  You remind me so much of my own mom. Happy mother's day, mama.  <3 

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