We are still in utter disbelief, but overjoyed to announce that our Rainbow baby girl will be joining us this October!
For the last few years, big sis June has been praying with her whole heart that she would have a baby sis someday ("A baby brother would be fine," she says with a sheepish smile, "but I would really love a sister". And understandably, she was starting to not be sure if God had heard her, or if He would answer her prayers. And to be honest, neither did I.
I shared with you just last October HERE
that we had experienced four painful losses within a span of two years. The overwhelming grief and sense of hopelessness never quite left me, even when I would momentarily feel at peace. In my heart, I believed that God could easily bless us with a baby if it was His will, but I was starting to doubt if having another baby was even in His plan for our family. We were praying and trying to hold on to hope.
During those uncertain times, I had revealed to a friend that I was actually thinking of designing a rainbow dress for what was to become the Rainbow Magic collection
that we just launched yesterday. I think that in dreaming up this design, I was in many ways trying to have hope that this little rainbow would emerge after the storm...
But I also believe that God had given me a glimmer of hope. Just minutes before what would become my experience with our third miscarriage, I was lying in bed awake, and suddenly in my mind's eye I felt like God gave me a vision. It wasn't a dream because usually in dreams things are happening --there is movement, sequence of events. But this was a still image planted into my mind. I saw a perfect little baby wrapped in a perfect pink blanket. She had deep dark eyes and rosy cheeks, and was sound asleep. The moment this vision went away, I started to miscarry. I remember sharing with Hubby about what I saw, grappling with its significance. Was that the baby I was about to lose? One that we had lost? Or a promise of a baby to come? Whatever it was, I had to believe that there was hope in that vision.
We would suffer another miscarriage four months after that vision, and then--seven months later, when we least expected it, I got a positive pregnancy test (!!)...
Since this would have been our fifth positive pregnancy test to date, I think we experienced a mere few seconds of joy, until fear quickly took over and set in. I wrote my doctor as I had in the past and told her the situation, and that given the familiar signs, I was pretty sure I would lose this baby too. I went in for blood work, and over the course of a week, things were looking a little rosier...
Then, out of the kindness of her heart to help ease our anxiety, my doctor invited us to go in for a weekly ultrasound starting at just 5 weeks until we felt safe and good about this baby. With every visit, we were filled with a bit more hope and excitement.
I am approaching 16 weeks now and am still in awe of my little baby bump that is just starting to push out. Never mind the morning sickness and nausea I have been experiencing (this one has been way worse than with June)
...every day I am reminded of what a miracle we have been blessed with, and the three of us cannot wait to have this rainbow baby to hold and care for as our own soon. June has been hugging my belly and kissing it, and eagerly awaiting to meet her baby sister at long last.
I know that for some of us, not every story of loss has an ending that we are hoping for. In my struggles I think I came to terms with this many times - that if there was no rainbow at the end of this storm, that I would try to count my blessings regardless. I hope that at the end of whatever storm you are experiencing, you will see a brighter rainbow.